Bread Crumbs And White Stones: Fetish

Showing posts with label Fetish. Show all posts

It's probably going to be a good idea to familiarise yourself with the ins and outs of this bullshit, because this will have an affect on the BDSM and Fetish scene, let alone the average Joe just wanting to watch porn

http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/non-conventional-sex-the-government-wants-to-block-perfectly-legal-porn-digital-economy-bill

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I read a recent blog post on Fetlife earlier, and it's made me think about what kink has done for me.

The writer points out that it isn't always easy being a dominant and we don't always want to be the one in charge, however, it has made me think about how different I am now to before.

I feel, in the three years since I've joined Fetlife, I've made leaps and bounds in my mental health and my happiness. I no longer have the relationship with my wife that literally clouded my whole entire consciousness to the point that I couldn't be happy for any extended period of time. I no longer live in what was a toxic environment where I was exposed to the constant stream of bad news and drama that plagued me and those who lived there.

One of the added bonuses from the growth of the last few years is not only leaving my wife and my mind being clearer, I also feel that being listened to and not constantly having the piss taken out of me (by the friends I've made on the Metal and Alternative scene, not so much at home ha), I have been able to assert myself more and actually feel like I'm being listened to and not always being put down but those who are whittier and have more assertive than me.

I believe I have stuck up for myself more, tried to engage instead of sitting back and just listening. I've never been one who enjoyed sitting in a group of people and just debating about the more important of subjects because those with bigger personalities, funnier and sometimes, just louder voices, will always be heard over someone like me, but thankfully, with the vast majority of the people around me now, that doesn't seem to be much of a problem, thankfully.

Maybe it's partly that the kink people respect me more (I am still wondering why haha) and they value what I have to say, or I am able to put myself better to the kinky people than those who are not part of those circles? Who knows.

Anyways, just some thoughts I thought I would put down.

How The Addams Family totally gets BDSM relationships right

A partner sent me this the other day and I laughed while reading the whole thing because I had recently watched both The Addams Family films (and even if I hadn't) I could play back the moments pointed out in the article with absolute ease and with fresh eyes see the huge and unmistakable tones of a loving, caring BDSM relationship.

Go ahead and read through this article and watch these films back and tell me there isn't a BDSM tone to their relationship ;-)

This writing is in response to this pretty awful piece of "journalism".

http://www.rebelcircus.com/blog/why-daddies-make-the-best-boyfriends/15/

I fully understand that it's meant as a bit of fluff that anyone in the know would laugh at, but for those who have no idea on the fetish scene or are new, they could get completely the wrong idea and I'm not about to let that happen.

I wasn't planning on posting this anywhere apart from on that page but it posted to my FB and it got quite a few positive comments, so I thought I'd repost here too.

If anyone has any comments, or anything to add, please comment, I'm always up for a discussion and want to expand my perceptions on life and the scene.

"Wow, talk about over simplification of the whole thing. You've completely confused sugar Daddies and Daddy Doms and some how made them sound like perfect examples for those with Daddy issues. Although the article is presented in a "fun" way, you've totally made fun role play into something creepy and dangerous.

As much as a Daddy Dom should look out for their partner, babygirl, brat, little or whatever they are, a Daddy Dom is not a therapist / replacement for a real father figure and it's not advisable to be looking for someone to be that for that.

I'm not saying that it's not possible for someone looking for a Daddy to find a positive force in their life, but if these are the goals you set yourself up with, be prepared for a mighty fall, along with being branded a gold digger amongst other such negativity.

I'm not even gonna have the time to go into the nievitaty of the mention of spankings. Unless you understand the want and need to submit to someone else, you'll never understand the need for spankings and other such punishments.

I'm on the fetish scene and have been for the last few years and although I'm not going to out my role here, I know the differences between the mash up you've presented here under the guise of a "Daddy" role and it's a piss poor mess that only someone who has participated in the fetish scene would be able to put back together.

The constant talk of money, nicer possessions and such is again setting people up for a fall again. You don't have to be financially stable or be minted to play the role of Daddy, you just have to be a caring, nurturing partner who wants what's best for their significant other, or others, and not selfish, self centred or controlling. Yes, some Daddy Doms / Dominants take care of monetary situations for their partners, but this is long after friendship, trust and often love has blossomed in the relationship.

You also don't have to be older than your partner to be a Daddy. Be definition, role play is "playing a part", so to say someone has to be older to be a Daddy Dom is just stupid. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, because it clearly does, but it's not an necessity.

I hope that anyone reading this has read my full comment as I take it personally when people try to write about the fetish scene and end up presenting it in a negative light."

Today is Monday

Monday's are not good days, in general, back to work after relaxing / partying on the weekends is never a good feeling... But sometimes you need to sit down, think about what is happening around you, in your life and the lives of those that you hold dear and try to push away those thoughts.

I know, I've been having a proper case of the "Mondays" today, I work in a relatively small team and one of our team is taking a well deserved holiday, but even though we are a lil bit quiet, it's still pressure I don't always do with. Doing my usual scrolling through Facebook, I find a friend post this and it couldn't be more true.

None of these are easy, in fact, they are all pretty hard actually but the more we do these things, the more we learn coping patterns that can help ease our difficult situations.

I think that I tend to want to take to helping others, making a blog or Youtube vid, wit the vain hope that it might actually help or comfort someone.

I'm not amazing with words, I get confused really easily, stumble on my words and when pushed and made uncomfortable, back down to completely silent because of confidence issues, not to mention my learning difficulties, but the possibility to help someone through some of the pain I go through daily makes these things easier to cope with. Although I like my job and very much want to stay here, I think my perfect job now, would be to work in helping or counselling those who need help with depression, anxiety and mental health issues. I'd never get the qualifications needed to be a full counsellor but on some kind of advice line would be great and so rewarding for me. I know that is a selfish view to have but being that I have had trouble in most of my jobs with my energy levels, let alone with motivation, but I can see that being a big thing that will help me get up and into work every day. My current job has been great for that and apart from a week of illness due to a possible chest infection (which led to Sinusitis on top of a chest infection which is why I took a whole week off) I've only had one sick day off since I started in September, which is utterly incredible for me.

One thing I've started recently is getting hold of some Adult colouring books. You may laugh, but there is a lot of study going on, on how beneficial it is to a mind to just be able to switch off and just do something that doesn't require tons of thought, while keeping your hands busy. I done a few while watching the recently leaked episodes of Game Of Thrones. Here are some progress photos... I didnt realise somewhere out of focus until I looked att hem not long ago, whoops!

Link Link Link

https://www.google.co.uk/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&es_th=1&ie=UTF-8#q=adult%20colouring%20books%20facebook%20groups&es_th=1

I've bought tickets to go to the next Antichrist club night which I'm looking forward to going to. It's a fun night out, the music isn't amazing for my taste but I get to hang out with some great people and just be myself around my friends on the fetish scene. I do find it quite different from being out with "Vanilla" friends, as much as I love my friends who are not on the Fetish scene, once you start hanging out with people who tend to be a lot more open-minded in their attitudes towards sex and such, it's hard to "close that door" again and remember to sensor yourself slightly. As open minded as a lot of my friends are, I know some hardcore piss takers and it's hard enough to cope with normal jokes and ribbings, let alone those that would come from mention the kinks I am into,

I only seem to be doing badly in the run up to socialising with the fetish crew. This may be wrong but it could be a trigger as to why I regularly do badly for a week or so, then it gets to Thursday evening / Friday day and I start feeling super positive. I definitely feel sad and down before I go to the Camden Crunch for some reason, but I'm fucked if I know why.

I've been doing so badly at work, I've made mistakes every single day and it's crushing me to get it all so wrong. Wrong maps, wrong addresses, wrong grid information.. It's never ending. Dali met me after work in a little coffee shop in Wood Green and she asked me some super helpful questions on my role and asked me to write down the full processes of my jobs I need to do in my role. Thanks to that, I now have a list that I can edit that can use as a prompt every day, Dali even suggested to create a wallpaper out of it, which I'm going to upload today. I hope it will be of help, I've started taking my vitamins again this morning, hopefully it will give me a bit more power to concentrate and focus on the correct things for the day.

Dali has been so great for me, I haven't been helped so intently since I was at school and my Dad used to help me with my homework. I know it sounds utterly ridiculous and frankly childish, but when you have slow cognitive processing skills, on top of strong Asperger's traits with possible Dyslexia and God knows what else, I'll take any and all help anyone is willing to give me.

I don't mean to play down anyone or any help anyone has given me before, but I don't have normal ways of thinking, my mind constantly wonders and does exactly what it wants to do, when it wants to do it. For example, I was writing down one of my processes yesterday, I was tapping away on Dali's laptop and my mind literally stopped and I pictured and cog, like in a watch, that had just jammed and wouldn't move. I literally saw a cog stop moving and became jammed and that's what happened to me. I told Dali this, she stroked the back of my head and calmly spoke to me and asked me a question or 2. She then said to go back and read from the beginning of the process and try again... But once she did that, I was back on track.

I think that somehow my routine has been disrupted and I need to get back into it and stick to it. I'm not fully sure how, something as simple as not making my coffee and bagel in the morning has thrown me, it's definitely led me to not empty the dishwasher like I do every day,it could be effecting more than just that.

I'm going to try and make notes and use post it notes to remind myself what I'm doing and what time I'm doing it, so I don't lose my place and the information is available for me.

I may have been doing badly for a while, but I'm still definitely trying to pull myself through, instead of running away like I have done previously in my life. I just hope I can do it and make my work and myself proud that I've been able to turn it around.

::EDIT:: I apologise for the formatting on this bloody thing, I can't seem to get it to change and look better. I'll keep trying ::

Well, with this being attempt number 2 because of a crashed app on my phone, I hope to replicate everything I wrote before.

I've pretty much had all the blogging sites at one point or another and thought I'd give it another go.

I'm Andrew, I'm 34, nearly 35. That's me on the right with my long time friend Ross. Known him since 1995 / 1996.

I am a huge music, TV show, film and nerd culture fan. Shawn Barber, Tom Bagshaw, Tyson Mcadoo, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, I Killed The Prom Queen, Doomtree, After The Burial, All Shall Perish, Iggy Azalea, Andrew Hinkinbottom, Papa Ninja, Chew, Saga, Rat Queens, Clue and so many more.

I enjoy collecting comics, tattoos, art and other fun things.

I love Funko Pop Vinyls, as you can see and I'm fast running out of room to display and store them, ARGH!

I am separated from my wife after 7 plus years of marriage and nearly 10 years of being together. I have slow cognitive processing problems, along with strong Asperger's traits. I also suffer from depression and anxiety.

I got diagnosed with 2007. I had always wondered why I had such down times, but didn't contemplate that it was actually depression, but the night after my birthday in 2007,

I was walking down the stairs and by the time I got to the bottom of the stairs of the house my partner and I shared, I was in floods of tears, for no apparent reason. Not long before a friend's sister had been kidnapped and murdered, there was a group of people reposting bulletins on Myspace, which was big at the time, to try to help to find her, but within the day, her body had been found and although I had never met the girl and only knew her brother, it sent me into a spiral of depression, so much so, that the doctor signed me off for a month off of work. Since then I have tried more than 6 or 7 and I found them all to be awful for various reasons. Sme of which I have used include Fluoxetine, Citalopram, Paroxetine, and Sertraline. I've had them at varying doses and still have never agreed with me. I fight the self doubt, down feelings and self hatred daily. To constantly doubt everything one does, makes for a utterly exhausting existence and I wouldn't wish it upon

I've been in and out of counselling for depression, the latest ending because "I don't seem to be in the right place to want to change anything, I'm more happy with letting things happen"/ This angered me greatly, but as I'm pretty slow, I had no idea how to react, so I left with an invite to get re-referred if I need it or to contact in 6 months for a check up on my situation. Considering I expressed my anxiety about losing my job due to my problems and actually doing a task I was set by them, which was to move out and make changes in my life, it apparently still was not enough... Go frigging figure. After about 7 years of being bounced about for help, do you really think I've got the energy to fight for help by screaming at your and making a scene when I have to fight myself internally every day, juggle work, a separation, Aspergers traits, learning difficulties and the other lil fun things life likes to throw at people. I was actually told by someone who shall remain nameless that I should have fought for help and not let it happen, like I was to blame for them "fobbing me off". Am I the only one in thinking that I shouldn't have to do anything of the like to get help? I've spent 7/8 years trying, isn't that enough for them? Clearly not.

Since my diagnosis of Depression, I have had Anxiety added to that too. I've had quite a few moments when my anxiety has been so bad that I thought I would pass out, only on two occasions it has happened. Once when I had a kung fu grading when I was young and one when a friendship broke down for a second time and I had just been told that my 2 friends no longer wanted to talk to me. I was about to have a meeting with my team manager at the call centre I worked in and I just felt like I couldn't breath and put my head on the desk next to my manager and ended up falling of the chair on to the floor. One of the managers run over and put me in the recovery position and had an ambulance called. I had all the normal checks done and after an hour or so was told to go home. I've had several close calls since then, I just hope it doesn't happen again anytime soon.

I've only found out about the Asperger's within the last 3 years but have yet to actually get any help with this, along with the slow cognitive problems. I was given this information while being under the care of The Tavistock and Portman Centre but it was never treated in any way.
I currently work for a equality and diversity training company and I pretty much love it. The role is varied, I get to listen to my own music and dress in my own clothes and I couldn't really ask for more. However, my processing problems and AS are affecting my work massively and I am worried I am going to lose my job, like I lost my last one. One of my main problems is my lack of attention to detail, I just plain can't see things. I get easily confused and working in an office where the phone can go at any time and with so many varying roles, the need to job to another job is always near and I need to be able to keep track of previous jobs and manage a workload and work out priorities, which is turning out to not a be a strong suit of mine.
I desperately want to keep my job, so took the initiative to contact Mencap to try and see what they can do to help. I've been given some information that I am going to check out and see if I can get some help before I lose another job because of my ever mounting amount of mental health problems / disabilities.

I've recently started to venture out on the London Fetish scene. I now have the pleasure of running a once monthly "Munch", the Under 35's at the Cittie Of York Pub in Chancery Lane which I co-run with a lovely lady, Emma. I'm am also a regular at the Camden Crunch which is a fun night out night out for those interested. It's a once monthly club where people who are part of the fetish scene to go and socialise. There is no Play there like other Fetish clubs like Torture Garden, Club Rub, Antichrist and such but it has a great atmosphere, there is a dance floor area with a DJ that plays anything between 60's rock and roll all the way through the years up until the most recent charts hits. There is also a more chilled out side bar where people like to just drink and hang out and catch up with friends.

I've known about the fetish scene for quite a few years, through the photo sections of magazines like Loaded and such who used to go there to take photos to put in the Lads Mags. My first ever exposure was when Kerrang Magazine reviewed a gig by the industrial Metal band The Genitorturers and there was a huge picture of someone doing their angle grinding act while they were performing. Years later, I would find out that my parents were going out to fetish clubs. A story I love to tell is one when when I was still living at home, I was 19 and a group of friends and I came back to my parents house after a club, it was like 4am on a Sunday morning, just drinking coffee and tea and about 5am we hear keys hitting the front door. So we all poke our heads out of the front room door... To see my parents walk in, clothed in fetish wear, just getting in from Torture Garden. At 19 years of age, I had been outdone by my parents, OH THE HUMILIATION!! But it was definitely worth it for the story.
I will possibly add to this post but I hope to keep this blog a lil bit more up to date than those previous to it. Hope this has been helpful to anyone out there.