Showing posts with label Friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friendship. Show all posts

Positivity

I had a long arse status about looking back at myself and how negative I've been throughout the years but I'm now looking in a way more positive side of life, but I thought I was making it way more complicated than it needed to be... So I thought I'd just leave it at, bad things happen, but moving past them and looking at the good things in my life, is a much better way to be and I am thankfully able to do this an incredible amount more than I ever have been able to and I believe this to be because of some of the wonderful people I have in my life now.

2015 / 2016 has been absolutely awful in places, but considering the state I was in about a year ago mentally after a break-up with someone special, I'm in such a good place, with some amazing partners and friends, that I literally wouldn't change a thing.

Thank you to those still in my life and those that aren't any longer, thank you for being there at some point.

Onwards and upwards

LOVE

It's been a year since....

I downloaded the Taylor Swift 1989 World Tour video and without realising it, I hadn't listened to her 1989 album for bloody ages.... And after the first song "Welcome to New York" I realised probably why.

I've been into Taylor since a few songs before this album but nothing was compared to when I heard 1989 and I've been a fan ever since. When it was announced that she was playing on my 35th Birthday in Hyde Park, I knew I had to go. Thankfully I only gave enough money for my friend to buy me a ticket and not one for my wife who I was still with when they went on sale.

By the time the gig came around, I had fallen in love and she had left the country to go back home to the USA, I was jobless and utterly heartbroken. Even though it was my birthday, I felt I had nothing to celebrate, no one had been bothered that it was my birthday much so I wasn't really feeling very loved (little did I know what would happen the next day) so I was on a pretty low ebb.

By the time Taylor hit the stage, the sun had been out all day, it had been gorgeous and I had hung out with a great friend and her friends and we had nothing but a laugh. The show started out great and Taylor sounded amazing... but I knew that when songs like "You Are In Love", "This Love" and my all time favourite "Style", I would be pretty much a mess... And here is why.

As anyone who knows me know, music is my life, there is not a time I am not listening to music, unless I am asleep or watching TV or a film, so it's pretty damn important to me. Now when someone comes into my life and makes an impact like my ex-partner did, it would leave such a mark that the feeling some of my all time favourite songs gives me are almost identical as what she did to me when I saw her face, her smile and heard her voice.

As a predicted, when the aforementioned songs were played, it was almost too hard to contain, but I totally lost it during "Style". Thankfully my friend Sam completely understood my heartache and just held my arm and hand while I fought back the tears. Even though I was incredibly happy that I was getting to hear a favourite artist play an absolutely frigging brilliant set, it reminded me that someone that I truly love, care for and want to be with, was no longer with me and I have absolutely no idea when I will see her next.

I've never broken a bone, had to be in hospital over night, I've had some pretty awful illnesses but nothing over a week or so, but I believe that I would rather break a bone or two than go through the heartache I've experienced with my wife and my now ex-partner.

I'm not sure where I am going with this really, I think it's more of a vent because of all the memories that have surfaced because of listening to these songs again...... eh

Be nice

This month or so I have definitely been coming down from a pretty decent rise in positivity and it's not been utterly awful and I've definitely had some memories that I'll treasure but the last few weeks have been harder than I would have liked them to be.

As positive as getting a job is and all the great feedback I'm getting from being there, there has been a few days where I was finding it hard to keep myself from crying at my desk while attempting to work...

But yesterday, after a Thursday that nothing especially bad went wrong but it was a "everything went wrong" kinda day, I went out with two friends for food and some shopping and it turned out to be the day I need more than anything else. I laughed harder than I have in months, to the point of almost crying because it hurt so much while in front of the poor girl at the till of UniQlo in Oxford Street.

What I'm trying to say is that connecting with people is all we really have in this world, so why not try and put a smile on someones face?

I've definitely been a negative person for a lot of my life, mostly without realising it and yes, I'll prob have my moments here and there but with all the negativity, malice and hatred in the world, why would you really want to add to that? Wouldn't the world be a nicer place to be in if we all opened a door for someone else once in a while and the other person made eye contact and smiled? Little acts of kindness like this, or making a friend smile or gut laugh because you are acting like a fool for their own and your enjoyment would help bring in some well needed love into the world.

Be nice to those around you, because we are all fighting battles and you never know when that one act of kindness will be the one thing from stopping doing something that would turn their world from being a shower of hell to a small ray of sunshine.
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