Showing posts with label Submissive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Submissive. Show all posts

How being a Dominant has helped me in my vanilla life.

I read a recent blog post on Fetlife earlier, and it's made me think about what kink has done for me.

The writer points out that it isn't always easy being a dominant and we don't always want to be the one in charge, however, it has made me think about how different I am now to before.

I feel, in the three years since I've joined Fetlife, I've made leaps and bounds in my mental health and my happiness. I no longer have the relationship with my wife that literally clouded my whole entire consciousness to the point that I couldn't be happy for any extended period of time. I no longer live in what was a toxic environment where I was exposed to the constant stream of bad news and drama that plagued me and those who lived there.

One of the added bonuses from the growth of the last few years is not only leaving my wife and my mind being clearer, I also feel that being listened to and not constantly having the piss taken out of me (by the friends I've made on the Metal and Alternative scene, not so much at home ha), I have been able to assert myself more and actually feel like I'm being listened to and not always being put down but those who are whittier and have more assertive than me.

I believe I have stuck up for myself more, tried to engage instead of sitting back and just listening. I've never been one who enjoyed sitting in a group of people and just debating about the more important of subjects because those with bigger personalities, funnier and sometimes, just louder voices, will always be heard over someone like me, but thankfully, with the vast majority of the people around me now, that doesn't seem to be much of a problem, thankfully.

Maybe it's partly that the kink people respect me more (I am still wondering why haha) and they value what I have to say, or I am able to put myself better to the kinky people than those who are not part of those circles? Who knows.

Anyways, just some thoughts I thought I would put down.

"Why Daddies make the best boyfriends" or so this journo wants you to believe.

This writing is in response to this pretty awful piece of "journalism".

http://www.rebelcircus.com/blog/why-daddies-make-the-best-boyfriends/15/


I fully understand that it's meant as a bit of fluff that anyone in the know would laugh at, but for those who have no idea on the fetish scene or are new, they could get completely the wrong idea and I'm not about to let that happen.

I wasn't planning on posting this anywhere apart from on that page but it posted to my FB and it got quite a few positive comments, so I thought I'd repost here too.

If anyone has any comments, or anything to add, please comment, I'm always up for a discussion and want to expand my perceptions on life and the scene.

"Wow, talk about over simplification of the whole thing. You've completely confused sugar Daddies and Daddy Doms and some how made them sound like perfect examples for those with Daddy issues. Although the article is presented in a "fun" way, you've totally made fun role play into something creepy and dangerous.

As much as a Daddy Dom should look out for their partner, babygirl, brat, little or whatever they are, a Daddy Dom is not a therapist / replacement for a real father figure and it's not advisable to be looking for someone to be that for that.

I'm not saying that it's not possible for someone looking for a Daddy to find a positive force in their life, but if these are the goals you set yourself up with, be prepared for a mighty fall, along with being branded a gold digger amongst other such negativity.

I'm not even gonna have the time to go into the nievitaty of the mention of spankings. Unless you understand the want and need to submit to someone else, you'll never understand the need for spankings and other such punishments.

I'm on the fetish scene and have been for the last few years and although I'm not going to out my role here, I know the differences between the mash up you've presented here under the guise of a "Daddy" role and it's a piss poor mess that only someone who has participated in the fetish scene would be able to put back together.

The constant talk of money, nicer possessions and such is again setting people up for a fall again. You don't have to be financially stable or be minted to play the role of Daddy, you just have to be a caring, nurturing partner who wants what's best for their significant other, or others, and not selfish, self centred or controlling. Yes, some Daddy Doms / Dominants take care of monetary situations for their partners, but this is long after friendship, trust and often love has blossomed in the relationship.

You also don't have to be older than your partner to be a Daddy. Be definition, role play is "playing a part", so to say someone has to be older to be a Daddy Dom is just stupid. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, because it clearly does, but it's not an necessity.

I hope that anyone reading this has read my full comment as I take it personally when people try to write about the fetish scene and end up presenting it in a negative light."
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