Anxiety
Asperger’s
Camden Crunch
Caring
Dali
Depression
Dyslexia
Family
Fetish
Friends
Learning Difficulties
Love
Munch
Scene
Syndrome
Work
Random thought
I only seem to be doing badly in the run up to socialising with the fetish crew. This may be wrong but it could be a trigger as to why I regularly do badly for a week or so, then it gets to Thursday evening / Friday day and I start feeling super positive. I definitely feel sad and down before I go to the Camden Crunch for some reason, but I'm fucked if I know why.
I've been doing so badly at work, I've made mistakes every single day and it's crushing me to get it all so wrong. Wrong maps, wrong addresses, wrong grid information.. It's never ending. Dali met me after work in a little coffee shop in Wood Green and she asked me some super helpful questions on my role and asked me to write down the full processes of my jobs I need to do in my role. Thanks to that, I now have a list that I can edit that can use as a prompt every day, Dali even suggested to create a wallpaper out of it, which I'm going to upload today. I hope it will be of help, I've started taking my vitamins again this morning, hopefully it will give me a bit more power to concentrate and focus on the correct things for the day.
Dali has been so great for me, I haven't been helped so intently since I was at school and my Dad used to help me with my homework. I know it sounds utterly ridiculous and frankly childish, but when you have slow cognitive processing skills, on top of strong Asperger's traits with possible Dyslexia and God knows what else, I'll take any and all help anyone is willing to give me.
I don't mean to play down anyone or any help anyone has given me before, but I don't have normal ways of thinking, my mind constantly wonders and does exactly what it wants to do, when it wants to do it. For example, I was writing down one of my processes yesterday, I was tapping away on Dali's laptop and my mind literally stopped and I pictured and cog, like in a watch, that had just jammed and wouldn't move. I literally saw a cog stop moving and became jammed and that's what happened to me. I told Dali this, she stroked the back of my head and calmly spoke to me and asked me a question or 2. She then said to go back and read from the beginning of the process and try again... But once she did that, I was back on track.
I think that somehow my routine has been disrupted and I need to get back into it and stick to it. I'm not fully sure how, something as simple as not making my coffee and bagel in the morning has thrown me, it's definitely led me to not empty the dishwasher like I do every day,it could be effecting more than just that.
I'm going to try and make notes and use post it notes to remind myself what I'm doing and what time I'm doing it, so I don't lose my place and the information is available for me.
I may have been doing badly for a while, but I'm still definitely trying to pull myself through, instead of running away like I have done previously in my life. I just hope I can do it and make my work and myself proud that I've been able to turn it around.
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