My Wife Posted...

on Facebook a meme that said

"If you could write a note to your younger self, what would it say, in two words?"

I had to stop myself from saying "Falling in love with an American who would leave eventually"

But I realised I couldn't post that on her frigging post.... and it still wouldn't make sense to the question asked.... LOL Muppet.

Who I was, who I am and where I want to be (a work in progress)

Who I was

I was an afraid boy.

I ran from an and all responsibility.

I desperately wanted to be liked & appreciated.

I always sought approval.

I backed down from confrontation.

I had little to no self belief.

If I left my wife, no one else would have me.

I let my frustrations and depression rule so much of my life, I've lost out on doing things with people I care about.

I would put all my love and attention on those those I knew deep down were giving me zero in response.

I always pushed for my friends do to share everything about themselves with me, which pushed too many people away.

I was terrified of death and had regular night terrors that I felt I needed to physically shake off.

Who I am

I have a better view of my capabilities, while I still try to manage and work with my self belief and anxiety.

I now stand up for myself more than I ever have.

I've been able to share my thoughts, love, attention, friendships, time and energy with a whole new group of friends who I can see appreciate me, my time and energy I give and they are able to reciprocate.

I've found several partners and a group of close friends that I have been able to get close to where we are able to exchange serious conversations to laughs to play sessions and everything in between.

I've been able to meet, socialise, connect and play with a wide variety of people, most of which I sometimes pinch myself because they are some of the most fantastic, intelligent, funny, attractive and excellent people I've ever met and I still want to thank them for sharing themselves with me.

I have learned and been able to apply the rule that if someone needs or want help, to give an open offer of being there for them, but not badger them into sharing anything they are not able or wanting to give.

I have had one night terror / anxiety attack in the last year and a half.

Who & where I want to be

I still worry about my mental and physical health but I do work with my therapist and on my own to battle and challenge those days when things are just getting too much.

I still have worries about my future but lives are a work in progress, if we don't adapt, change, challenge and move forward, we become stagnant and won't ever become a better version of ourselves.

I still overshare myself and often give too much of myself to others, but I've worked in and been able to hold back with those who don't give back.
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